;)

What up to all my loyal followers. I been reppin The Cay to the death for all yall who don't know what it is. I been stayin straight cheesy muthatrucka! And for anyone who don't know, the square root of 7 squared is.....SEVEN!!!!!!!!!!!! I recently read a biography on the great comedian Chris Rock. In it, he describes the challenges he has overcome in his life, such as having 1 white friend and holding a microphone the wrong way. He says he overcame these struggles because his father, Terry Crews, told him to. I also read Catcher in the Rye a few weeks ago and I must say, after reading it I gave the time to a nice woman on the street. For Christmas this year, I recieved a stack of paper, a clay pot, and a toy truck from the Kiebag. He's such a caring man. I have something important to share and you, my loyal followers, deserve to hear it. I was recently visited in a dream by three spirits. First, Timothy of the Cay. He told me of his passionate love for Phillip. Literally. He told me things that I can't bring myself to repeat. Nevertheless, his departing wisdom was to never get caught in the tempis. Then he rubbed my cheek and I told him to leave. Second, I was visited by our lord and savior Jesus Christ. He told about his life as the original Lebman. He also told me that the Da Vinci Code was correct and that he did indeed have a son. He revealed to me that the son's name was Terry. Terry Crews. I asked him how that could be since neither he nor Mary Magdalene was black. He just winked at me. Third and finally, I was visited by Clyde Shelton. He told me of his decade long plot to murder a bunch of people because a cocaine addict killed his wife and daughter. He told me of how he scouted his targets and used his intelligence to come up with plans. He also mentioned a box cutter. He told me of his time in prison. He told me of the food he recieved from Del Frisco's (they cater!). He ordered a 20 oz steak, medium, maybe a little bit charred, with all the trimmings. Pommes frites, asparagus, buttersquash. He told me of his large cell mate with whom he shared his meal. He told me of the "steakbone incident" in which he stabbed his cell mate 80 times with a steakbone. I cannot post the video on here, but google "Law Abiding Citizen T-Bone Neck Stab" to find it and enjoy. He mentioned that his life was portrayed in the hit film Law Abiding Citizen, starring Gerard Butler. He summarizes the film as:

During a home invasion, Clyde Shelton (Gerard Butler) witnesses his wife and young daughter's murder at the hands of Clarence Darby (Christian Stolte) and his accomplice Rupert Ames (Josh Stewart). Prosecutor Nick Rice (Jamie Foxx) claims that the case against Darby is weak, even with Clyde's testimony alone is insufficient to prove either suspect's guilt. A deal is made whereby Darby will give testimony sending Ames to death row in exchange for a lesser sentence. Since Darby was the actual killer, Clyde is left feeling betrayed by the justice system.
Ten years later, Rupert is executed via a botched lethal injection that leaves a slow, painful death. The authorities suspect that Darby is the culprit and converge on his home, but Darby escapes when he receives a mysterious phone call leading him to a warehouse. There he ends up incapacitated through a series of events, and the unknown caller reveals himself to be Clyde.

While Darby is paralyzed, Clyde slowly dismembers him. Finding Darby's mutilated corpse, Nick, his assistant Sarah Lowell (Leslie Bibb), Detectives Dunnigan (Colm Meaney), Garza (Michael Irby) and the authorities realize that Clyde was behind the killings and arrest him as the chief suspect. He confesses his guilt before offering a full confession in exchange for a new mattress in his cell, which Nick reluctantly agrees. Clyde represents himself at his hearing before Judge Laura Burch (Annie Corley) but is appalled when he is granted bail. He lashes out at her over his apparent guilt and is subsequently held in contempt of court.

Granted his mattress, Clyde gives his full confession and demands a meal, along with his iPod, by exactly 01:00pm the next day in exchange for revealing the location of Clarence's missing attorney (Richard Portnow). Clyde receives his meal at 1:08pm, and as a result the detectives arrive too late to save the attorney. Meanwhile, Clyde murders his cellmate with the bone from his meal's porterhouse steak and is sent to solitary confinement.

Sarah finds evidence connecting Clyde with the Department of Defense. Nick and District Attorney Jonas Cantrell (Bruce McGill) learn from a CIA contact (Michael Kelly) that Clyde was a technical genius who facilitated assassinations, and is a brilliant strategist specializing in eliminating targets through unconventional means. After Judge Burch is killed by an exploding cellphone, Clyde declares that unless he is cleared of all charges and released by the next morning at 06:00am, he will "kill everyone". When his demands are not met, five members of the staff and Sarah are killed. Meanwhile, the mayor (Viola Davis), alarmed at the deaths of the district attorney staff, assigns protection details to Nick and Jonas. Nick and Jonas later attend Sarah's funeral. While leaving the cemetery their convoy is ambushed by a weaponized bomb disposal robot, killing Jonas.

Nick attempts to resign but the mayor refuses to accept it, instead appointing him as Acting District Attorney. Nick receives information from Sarah's boyfriend Chester, leading to a garage owned by Clyde next to the prison, where he and Dunnigan discover a tunnel leading to the solitary confinement cells. Here are surveillance equipment, weapons, and disguises. Clyde's plans indicate he has gone to Philadelphia City Hall. Disguised as a janitor, he placed a bomb in order to kill the mayor during a security meeting with city officials. Nick rushes to city hall and finds the bomb, but the bomb disposal specialist is unable to disarm it, and they cannot evacuate the building for fear Clyde is watching.
Meanwhile, Clyde returns to his cell and finds Nick waiting for him. Nick cautions him against activating the bomb, but Clyde does so anyway. Nick seals the cell door and flees the building. Clyde suddenly realizes they have placed the bomb under his bed. In his final moments he sits staring at the bracelet given to him by his daughter. The bomb detonates, killing him.
The final scene is Nick and his wife (Regina Hall), finally able to watch their daughter at her recital.

His final piece of advice was to stay gold. And also that steakbones are convenient tools to murder people. After he left, I thought to myself, 1. no more pommes frites before bed, and 2. keeping it real is what it's all about. Then I woke up and decided to pull a sick day. Then I slept and played COD all day<333. Anyway, that's the end of my blog for today. I'll be back in a few days to inform you, my loyal followers, of the word of the man, the myth, the cheesy legend: Terry Alan Crews. Here's some quick previews of his cheesiness.

Love you all<333 skeetskeetskeetskeet

Dis be dat Kel muzik;)

bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce;)

Aww yeah. I'm back;)

I'm back up in this and I'm going harder than ever. I done been reading The Cay. Theodore Taylor transcends his generation. He is to his generation what Kiebag, Browsi, or Philip "The Chicken Man" Testa were to theirs, respectively. What I want to know is how Miss K has been.

5/9/11

This week I began reading Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer and Hey World, Here I Am! by Jean Little. I'm not very far in either book, but Into Thin Air seems good. All poetry books make me want to cry, so I assume I won't like Hey World, Here I Am!

My least favorite character I've read this year is Lord Voldemort from the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling. He enjoys murdering many, many people with his magical powers and his wand. He casts spells and makes people die very, very hard. He killed Cedric Diggory in the 4th book and makes Harry very sad. I've never read the 7th book, but I hear that Harry makes Voldemort suffer. That makes me super duper happy.

My favorite character I've read this year is without a doubt Timothy from the glorious book "The Cay" by Theodore Taylor. Timothy is a very wonderful man who happens to be black. He ends up stranded on an island with a young boy named Phillip who happens to be white. Even though Phillip is mean to Timothy because he's black, Timothy shows Phillip love and encouragement. This kindness is one of the many reasons Timothy is my favorite character. Another reason he's my favorite is his use of ridiculous phrases, such as "young bahhs" or "the tempis." The tempis is a horrible storm the killed my hero!!! :'( Even though Timothy is gone, his spirit lives on.

So far, I have read 34 books and  after I finish my current books, I'll have 37. Also, as a side note, I would like to ask all of my loyal followers to stop tomorrow and welcome back to school my good friend Kiebag. He has been missed.

5/2/11

This week I read Rip Van Winkle and Other Stories by Washington Irving. To be honest, I really didn't like it much at all. The stories weren't very interesting. Also, it would be difficult for me to think of actors to portray characters for parts in any of the short stories. Instead, I will use the wonderful book The Cay by Theodore Taylor.
There aren't many characters in the book. There are only 5 that could be cast. Timothy would be portrayed by Samuel L. Jackson because he is serious, but kind. Also, they are both large men. Phillip would be played by either the kid from the "Greatest Freakout Ever" video series, because he would be able to scream at Timothy well, or Ralph Macchio from The Karate Kid and The Outsiders, because he can play people who do the impossible. Phillip's father would be played by Jim Caviezel. This is because he portrayed Jesus Christ in one the the greatest films of all time, The Passion of the Christ. If you can play the son of God, then the father of a boy lost at sea isn't much of a challenge. The role of Phillip's mother would be played by Sandra Bullock. This is because she was very good in The Blind Side in the role of a mother. Finally, Stew Cat would be portrayed by the cat from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. That cat could talk, and that would add an interesting element to the role.
So far I have read 34 books. I still need 3 Informational and 3 Poetry. Hopefully Nick will give me Into Thin Air. If anyone could recommend a poetry book that is less than 70 pages, I would be very happy. Also, FEED KYLE'S TROLLZ!!!

4/26/11

This week I read 1984 by George Orwell. I liked the book very much. The songs that I believe make sense to go with the book are:

1. "The Imperial March" by John Williams (not J-Dubs) whenever Big Brother is mentioned. It could also be accompanied by a scream or a troll call.
2. " Down With the Sickness (the version without dirty words)" by Disturbed when Winston realizes writing in his diary doesn't relieve his anger and wants to yell naughty words. That song is very angry.
3. "Hello" by Lionel Richie when Winston sees Julia around and eventually she gives him a note saying "I Love You"
4. "Changes (the version without multiple cusses)" by Tupac Shakur when O'Brien brainwashes Winston into loving Big Brother.

After this week, I have read 33 books. I need 3 poetry books (:'( no me gusta los libros de poetry), 1 classic book, and 3 informational books. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee someone recommend a wonderful book to me.

Sincerely,
Tyler "Mr Van Daan" Azar

P.S. FEED KYLE'S TROLLZ!!!!! THEY'LL DIE IF THEY DON'T FEAST!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE THE WAY THEY DIED IN THE GREAT TROLL BATTLE OF APRIL 20, 2011!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeeeeaaaahhhhh!!!!

Books. Books. Books Books Books Books. Books. Books. Books Books Books Books.Books. Books. Books Books Books Books.

Everrryyyboddyyy!!!!!